If I Hear Jingle Bells One More Time?

We exist. I’m one of those people who just cannot stand Christmas music. Now, for starters, you must understand that I’m a snob in general and in regards to music I’m ‘really’ a snob. I’ve made enemies for life just because someone had the extremely poor taste to play Stravinsky in my presence. So with Christmas music, Handel’s ‘Messiah’ is about as far as I’ll go.

Basically, there are two types of Christmas music, both of which (and I mean no offense as I know many good people, including my mother, who love this stuff) are very offensive, albeit in different ways. The first are the secular pieces, which really I suppose are meant for kids (but it always gets worse!). These include Jingle Bells, Rudolph, Frosty the Snowman, and that sort of dribble. The worst part is that they get into your head like a nasty virus and you find yourself humming or whistling them later on. Even worst are mutants like ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.’ Now how can anyone possibly like that? Then we have the more ‘mature’ diversions, Bing Crosby with his Chestnuts and White Christmas, Johnny Mathis and the like. These are great singers mind you- just awful, sappy songs. Finally, there is the ‘new wave’ in Christmas songs like Lennon’s So This Is Christmas, which is played over and over and tries to make you feel guilty, and then there’s Feed the World. Right- while we gorge in gluttony on Christmas Day.

Then you have the carols, which one would suppose would be classier, musically much more interesting, and more true to the holiday’s meaning. But if you really inspect these songs, you find that not only do they not have much more meaning either (except to say that a infant King was born in a manger), but that they also are just basically pop tunes not all that different from Jingle Bells (on my all time razz list by the way). So, carols may be a step above, but just a step. I’d rather listen to a soft Bach sonata over Silent Night any day, but then again, I am a snob as I have said.